And damnit, I’d do it agian.

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I’ve always done my own taxes. Maybe I’m too cheap to pay someone, or maybe I just love the convenience of doing it online.

Whatever the case, it’s always been fairly simple. I don’t own a business or have a foreign bank account, or any other circumstances that make filing especially complicated.

When my ex and I filed for divorce in 2012, it was written in the decree that he would claim our eldest daughter and I would claim the youngest. Even though both live with me 12 months out of the year — minus the two weekends a month…

You’ve held it together long enough. Girl, let it go.

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A letter to myself.

Hey, you.

So, I hear you’ve been feeling a bit down lately. Stressed, underappreciated. I get it. Don’t feel too bad about yourself, we’ve all been there. Heed my advice: Don’t beat yourself up too much. You are much more than you give yourself credit for.

Career-wise, you bust your ass. I will say that you’re lucky you work from home because it’s a known fact that lately, you hate getting dressed or fixing your hair. But even in yoga pants and unkempt frizziness, you get it done. You earned both your annual raise and your annual bonus this year…

Blurting out the first thought that enters your head might not be the best approach. But it is what it is.

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As any parent will tell you, kids ask a bunch of questions.

Why is the sky blue?

Why is pee yellow?

Why does my nose have boogers?

Between Google and Alexa, I usually get the info I need, and then we go about our day.

But as any parent will also tell you, some questions are a bit more complicated to answer.

For those of you whose eyes have widened to the size of saucers after being hit blindsided by an off-the-wall kid question, I’ve compiled a list of canned responses that you will most likely never use. …

She makes me uneasy, and our relationship is strained as a result

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You know how certain people just make you feel uncomfortable? Not in a freaked-out, I-think-this-person-might-be-a-mass-murderer kind of way, but in the sense that you’re not sure how to relax and just be in their presence? Maybe it’s that coworker who stares at you silently and expressionless just a bit too long after you’ve finished a sentence, making you feel they’re secretly judging you. Or that acquaintance whose personality doesn’t quite mesh with yours, like the loudmouth to your introvert, who’s so unpredictable that you fear what may come out of their mouth next.

I t’s the first day of my…

Welcome to the Marital Comfort Zone

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My husband and I started dating in 2012. With him being 11 years younger, I was apprehensive about A LOT of things during those first few months of courtship.

Will he think I’m as cool as his younger ex-girlfriends? I mean, one of them sang lead vocals in a band. Like, a real one that actually toured and was mentioned in Rolling Stone magazine.

Will people see us together in public and think he’s my little brother?

Will he be freaked out when we have sex by this weird episiotomy scar that is basically like a permanent hemorrhoid?

Fortunately, none…

Spoiler alert: Cursing and telling them they’re doomed for failure is a damn good start

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I’m far from being the perfect mom. Truth be told, I’ve been sucking tremendously at my role lately. I spend entirely too many late nights in front of my laptop — wrapping up work that didn’t get finished during the day — and not enough time investing in what really matters.

Time that should be spent building Lego creations with my Kindergartner. Having conversations with my Senior about her college plans. Taking a deep dive into why my 14-year-old is so full of angst and hostility.

But at the very least, I make sure they know they’re loved. …

And where in the fridge to store my leafy greens. Thanks to Google, I may finally be an adult.

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I’ve never possessed any culinary skill. I’m fairly proficient in making spaghetti and frozen pizzas, and I do bake one mean spinach lasagna. But that’s basically where my cooking talents end. Needless to say, my contribution at holiday meals is a store-bought pie.

Okay, I’m kidding. I usually arrive late and empty-handed.

My mom once confessed that — while we were growing up — instead of inviting her three daughters into the kitchen while she cooked, she basically told us to stay the hell away. Maybe not in those exact words, but it was implied.

The kitchens in my past…

When ONE person does laundry for FIVE people, the neglect is real.

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Hey, Rachel...where have you been?

Hey, striped towel. What’s up?

Not much. The gang and I have just been chillin’ in a hamper for two weeks. Did you forget about us?

Ooh, yikes. Honestly, yeah, I did. I’m sorry, but ever since moving into a house where the laundry room is on the second floor, I haven’t given you the attention you deserve. I’m basically only upstairs to sleep.

Plus, you’re in the laundry room. I rarely ever walk down that hallway. And it doesn’t help that the girls leave sopping wet washcloths piled in the bathtub, and each use…

I spent nine hours alone in a hotel room with my 5-year-old, high on Mt. Dew. So, how was your day?

Photo: Courtesy of Author

My husband is a supervisor at an automotive manufacturing plant in our hometown.

For two weeks, he’s helping out at a short-staffed sister plant, two hours from home. His company put him up in a hotel, so he asked for me and our son to come stay a few nights over this past weekend. We obliged.

I love vacations. Even if it’s just for the weekend.

Weekend getaways are the absolute best.

Between 2013 and 2019 — before COVID and other life events hit — our family took annual summer vacations. I’m talking, the whole damn family.

I’m pretty sure that any mom with three or more kids will tell you that number three did her in.

Psst, Rachel. Yeah, you. This is your sanity. Remember me? I know, it’s been a while…what, like five years now? Damn, I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve come around. But after you gave birth to your last kid, I had to hit the road. Sorry, but it was more than I could take.

Then COVID hit. From afar, I witnessed you hit rock bottom and lose your shit on multiple occasions. You took on the additional role of Kindergarten teacher, on top of everything else you’ve got going on. I mean, giving birth to your third child almost…


Parenting. Relationships. Real Life. You Can't Make This Shit Up.

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